How to Cat: A Compilation

By Effie

HOW TO CAT

Step one: Attempt to force entire self into already-full backpack

Step two: Give up, but get claws stuck in said backpack's straps

Step three: Get mad, refuse help, forcibly extract claws from straps

Step four: Run, don't walk, to nearest book on floor and stand nonchalantly next to it, act cool

Step five: Wait exactly three minutes

Step six: Repeat steps one through four

HOW TO CAT

Step one: Wait for Mom to get really involved in her homework

Step two: Get comfortably awkward-looking

Step three: Meow really loud

Step four: Stare directly into Mom's eyes when she turns around

Step five: Sneeze, continue staring

HOW TO CAT

Step one: Be really irritable and hide all day

Step two: Wait until Mom starts doing sit-ups

Step three: Once Mom has done exactly four sit-ups, pretend you want to cuddle

Step four: Sit on Mom's belly, cuddle really hard, refuse to be moved

Step five: Put your face right next to Mom's face

Step six: Sneeze

HOW TO CAT

Step one: Ignore Mom all day

Step two: Wait until Mom starts doing homework

Step three: You really, really want to hold Mom's hand

Step four: Use claws

HOW TO CAT

Step one: Desire the clothes hanging in the closet

Step two: Understand the trouble you will be in for jumping on them

Step three: Do it anyway

Step four: See Mom watching

Step five: Pretend you were just using the cloth storage boxes as a scratching post

Step six: Whoops, that's not allowed either

Step seven: Jump up and grab the clothes hanging in the closet

Step eight: Jump down and sprint to the other side of the room before Mom can get up and physically restrain you

Step nine: Act innocent